Fr. Dale Matson
[Note: I was invited to give an address on Wellness
to the San Joaquin Counselor’s association on Wednesday. I thought it would be
useful to put it on “Soundings” too.]
I would like to begin by thanking you folks for inviting me
to share with you today. I came to Fresno 24 years ago. My mentor Bob Wilson
was younger then at age 65 than I am now and was head of the School Counseling School Psychology programs at Fresno Pacific University. It was called Fresno Pacific College
then. He died at age 71 and that is how old I am now. This talk begins with a
looking back of sorts for me.
I am also a former member of the San Joaquin Counselors' Association and attended my first meeting in the fall of 1992 held at Duncan
Gardens here in Fresno. Bob Wilson, who would later receive the McDaniel Award
as outstanding California Counselor, introduced me to many of the counselors. I
also met Diane Talbot at that meeting. She was a deserving recipient of the
McDaniel Award also. At that time she was a counselor at
Tranquility High School. I would later recommend her as Bob’s replacement as head of
counseling at Fresno Pacific when he retired. She obtained her doctorate, held
that position and later become my department head when I stepped down. She retired
this year from Fresno Pacific as director of Counseling and School Psychology.
I am so proud of Bob and Diane and the programs at FPU have prospered under
their wonderful guidance. It was a joy to share many years' worth of
conversations and lunches with both Diane and Bob.
With that said, it brings me to the topic at hand,
“Wellness”. When I attended my first meeting in 1992, it was sadly evident that
many of the counselors were burned out. Some told me candidly that it was all
they could do just to make it through another school day. They were stressed
and stretched beyond their ability to cope.
I left that meeting wondering why Bob at age 65 had more
enthusiasm for helping others and more fire in his belly for the profession of
counseling than many of these young counselors. I wondered how the students
they worked with could be helped if their own issues distracted the counselors
themselves.
Additionally, we were preparing graduate counselors and school
psychologists at a Christian university. What could and should be different
about our training approach than other preparation programs? How could we train
our students that would make them more resilient to the job stresses they would
be immersed in once they became employed? The California Commission on
Credentialing had standards we had to meet for our programs to be accredited.
Could we include a “Wellness” component into our classes that would help the
students become more resilient and robust themselves? We set out to do just
that using Bob himself as the incarnation of what it means to be a healthy
individual. Bob was one of the most resilient individuals I have ever met and
he had beaten back cancer for the last 12 years.
Bob and I both discussed this situation and realized that
the most important treatment variable in counseling was not treatment
technique. Research had demonstrated that all forms of treatment like
behavioral, cognitive, psychodynamic and family systems all had about the same
amount of treatment efficacy. In other words, they all worked about the same.
The bottom line was counseling was better than no counseling.
Our second
conclusion was that if the chief treatment variable was not technique then it
must be the individual counselor. The wellness of the individual counselor was the
chief treatment variable. How could we help the counselor develop behaviors
that would model self-nurturing not self-destruction?
And it became the
platform for Bob’s use of the Socratic method and helping others find meaning
in their life. The main principles of Logotherapy are:
•Life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most
miserable ones.
•Our main motivation for living is our will to find meaning
in life.
•We have freedom to
find meaning in what we do, and what we experience, or at least in the stand we
take when faced with a situation of unchangeable suffering.
While
Bob never said these verses from Scripture to me, I think they best typify his
counseling and his life. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens
me” (Philippians 4:13). “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34b)
When Bob interacted with others, they always discovered the best parts of
themselves. There were good things they may never have seen before.
Wellness
is not just taking on a hopeful and positive attitude about self and others. It
is also walking the walk with behaviors that enrich life including self-discipline
and a regulated life. When I see Diane, I often ask her if she is still working
out at the fitness center in the morning and her reply is always in the
affirmative. Bob walked 5 miles every morning using hand weights.
Unlike
Bob, I am a prodigal who spent about 20 years of my early adult life killing
myself on the installment plan with cigarettes and alcohol. Christ rescued me
from an unproductive and self-destructive life and running the good race has
remained my objective. I have led a disciplined life because at mid life I
chose with God’s help, life not death. God is a God of life.
It was a blessing to write it in
Lectio Divina format. The format is a verse or verses from Scripture, a
reflection on the verse(s) followed by a prayer. Now I can read my own devotional after
reading devotionals from the church fathers like St. Augustine for many years.Every
morning I check my e-mail and check the news on the Internet including
responses to the two blogs I moderate.
I run, swim or bike every morning. I heard it said once that sweat comes from
places a shower never reaches! I also train with weights three times a week.
Recently the research has indicated that weightlifting is not only good for
maintaining upper body strength and cardiovascular health. It is also good for
bone density and reduces the risk of dementia.
Sharon
and I also walk our two Airedales together every morning. Although our first
Airedale Brown has passed on, we have walked our dogs for 20 years together.
Keeping in touch with your spouse is a way of loving them.
What else is important to personal wellness?
Attending a religious service on a regular basis helps one deal with life on a
spiritual level. Attending services is not only an exercise in faith, hope and
love; it is basic Wellness. I would be willing to bet Bill W. who was a
cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous based the 12 steps on the church liturgy. In
the liturgy, we have confession, forgiveness, absolution and reconciliation and
the promise of amendment of life. We are made well again.
Over
the years I have also found that the song by Barbara Streisand, “People” sums our
need for others quite well.
“People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the
world,
We're children, needing other
children
And yet letting our grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside,
Acting more like children
Than children.”
Human
relationships form a psychological safety net and are the bedrock of Wellness.
It is important to initiate and cultivate friendships. I have one friend Mark
Allyn that I have known and remained in touch with for over 65 years. I have a
group of friends that has met for over 20 years every Thursday morning for
coffee and a bicycle ride. I am usually the one who initiates, who calls, who
writes. Why not? If I didn’t the relationships might perish from neglect. Most
people don’t initiate. Get over it.
I include family in this too. I can still remember meals at
my parents' home when I was a child. My grandparents would be there along with
my siblings and parents. We continue that tradition today and Sharon is very
intentional and tenacious about making these events happen.
The role of the Counselor is like the role of the Holy
Spirit who is also referred to as “The Counselor”, “The Advocate”, and “The
Paraclete”. The counselor is sometimes a bruised individual from a
dysfunctional family. The counselor cannot help someone else find peace until the
counselor has rewritten his or her own self-destructive life script. However
God uses the broken people for their compassion. As St. Paul States in 2nd
Corinthians. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our
troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we
ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings
of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” (1:3-5)
My trainer, Fran Culbertson from the University of
Wisconsin at Whitewater once told me, “A good counselor listens with his third
ear.” How different is this in reality to the Old Testament passage from 1st
Kings? “And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And,
behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and
brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind:
and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And
after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the
fire a still small voice.” (1 Kings 19:11-12 KJV). The NIV version states, “The
gentle whisper”. Are you listening for the gentle whisper in your counseling?
Are you listening for the gentle whisper in your life?
