Fr. Dale Matson
“You in your robes sang calling, calling, and calling him. In your heart, in your soul, did you find peace there?” (From the song Full Circle by Loreena McKennitt)
I believe many individuals, particularly those who have an anxious temperament, phobics, substance abusers or those who have difficulty trusting others, spend much of their lives seeking peace. For years, I have listened to the haunting song, Full Circle by Loreena McKennitt and my answer remains, “No, I have not found peace.” I have experienced peace states but I have never experienced peace as a trait. Peace has been my heart’s desire but it is so frequently stolen by the Boogey Man.
The Boogey Man is the incarnation of our fears. He is what the child looks for under his bed and the adult buys insurance against. The Boogey Man is a tormenting bully (Captain Kirk’s Finnegan), a chronic illness, a supervisor at work, a parent, a random sniper. The Boogey Man is what we torment ourselves with more than whom or what torments us. Would that God would make him go away. If only God would just remove this thorn from our flesh. If only He would remove this cup of suffering from us. And when it is removed, we have peace for such a short sweet time. Then a new Boogey Man takes his place and we vex so, till our sweat falls to the ground like blood as we plead with God to remove the new cup of suffering. As with Job, the things we fear are in a holding pattern, hanging over us, waiting in the “trouble” cue, to descend upon us.
We know so well what the Boogey Man does. He steals our pride, our sense of control, and our self-confidence. He binds the strong man and takes his goods. We are continually mortified. It is that dream where we are naked in public. Or, is it a dream? Worst of all he cuts us out of the herd and isolates us. Our friends sound like Job’s friends. Lord, take this cup of suffering from me. The answer is always the same. “You have taken My yoke upon you yet you continue to refuse your cross.” Lord, couldn’t I progress without this suffering, without this baptism of fire”? “I am not like your saints. I am an ordinary person. Your saints sought this trail of sorrow. Blessed Mother Teresa asked to drink from your cup of suffering to the last drop. I have not sought these sorrows. These desolations are destroying me. “But you are so full of yourself; there is little room for Me”.
Was this the question, pulling, pulling, pulling you in your heart, in your soul, did you find rest there? Peace Lord, bring me peace. Amen