Fr. Dale Matson
“You
in your robes sang calling, calling, and calling him. In your heart, in your
soul, did you find peace there?” (From the song Full Circle by
Loreena McKennitt)
I believe many individuals,
particularly those who have an anxious temperament, phobics, substance abusers
or those who have difficulty trusting others, spend much of their lives seeking
peace. For years, I have listened to the haunting song, Full Circle by Loreena
McKennitt and my answer remains, “No, I have not found peace.” I have experienced
peace states but I have never
experienced peace as a trait. Peace
has been my heart’s desire but it is so frequently stolen by the Boogey Man.
The Boogey Man is the incarnation
of our fears. He is what the child looks for under his bed and the adult buys
insurance against. The Boogey Man is a tormenting bully (Captain Kirk’s
Finnegan), a chronic illness, a supervisor at work, a parent, a random sniper.
The Boogey Man is what we torment ourselves with more than whom or what
torments us. Would that God would make him go away. If only God would just
remove this thorn from our flesh. If only He would remove this cup of suffering
from us. And when it is removed, we have peace for such a short sweet time.
Then a new Boogey Man takes his place and we vex so, till our sweat falls to
the ground like blood as we plead with God to remove the new cup of suffering.
As with Job, the things we fear are in a holding pattern, hanging over us,
waiting in the “trouble” cue, to descend upon us.
We know so well what the Boogey Man
does. He steals our pride, our sense of control, and our self-confidence. He
binds the strong man and takes his goods. We are continually mortified. It is
that dream where we are naked in public. Or, is it a dream? Worst of all he
cuts us out of the herd and isolates us. Our friends sound like Job’s friends. Lord,
take this cup of suffering from me. The answer is always the same. “You have
taken My yoke upon you yet you continue to refuse your cross.” Lord, couldn’t I
progress without this suffering, without this baptism of fire”? “I am not like
your saints. I am an ordinary person. Your saints sought this trail of sorrow.
Blessed Mother Teresa asked to drink from your cup of suffering to the last drop.
I have not sought these sorrows. These desolations are destroying me. “But you
are so full of yourself; there is little room for Me”.
Was this the question, pulling, pulling, pulling you in your heart, in
your soul, did you find rest there? Peace
Lord, bring me peace. Amen
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