Fr. Dale Matson
“Do nothing
from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another
as more important than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3, NASB)
Since it was the end of this year,
it was also time to take care of old business before the start of the New Year.
It was rather simple to catalogue and recount my sins since the last
confession, under the infamous seven deadly sins. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins.
Some sins on the list are more problematic for
me than others. If vainglory is a form of pride, it is the ugliest form of pride.
While vainglory is not easy to define, it is easy to describe. I know it when I
see it.
In making his escape, Odysseus
blinded the Cyclops and told the Cyclops that “no man” had done it to him, when
asked by the Cyclops who had blinded him. This was to keep the Cyclops from recruiting his friends in pursuing the men. Later Odysseus yelled back to the
Cyclops from his ship as they sailed away.
The Cyclops threw giant boulders in the direction of the voice as they
sailed away imperiling the ship. Odysseus could not resist setting the record
straight by yelling back to shore that it was he, Odysseus that had blinded
him. That is an example of vainglory. Vainglory is also the football player
celebrating in the end zone after scoring a touchdown. While a professional vitae
can be a form of credential, it can also be a historical archive of vainglory.
St. Paul had been shown the glory
of the third heaven yet was careful in describing himself as the “least” of the
apostles (1 Cor. 15:9). He would only glory in the cross. (Gal. 6-14, KJV). Let
him who boasts, boast only in the Lord. (1: Cor. 1:31)
The problem is once again the almighty ego. Am I working for my glory
or the glory of God? What is the underlying reason for the goal setting and the
accomplishments? Is this sometimes why God brings our schemes crashing down like
the log chute in Zorba the Greek? The local priests even gave their blessing
prior to this “splendiferous crash”. There was a formal confession to our “Bishop
in Residence” JDS about this and a host of other misplaced efforts (missing the
mark).
There was also a less formal confession
prior to this via email as my friend, another priest, and I commiserated. “That's
the problem. There is too much aspiration and goal setting, for my sake. I
spend too much time checking to see whose paying attention. Too much need of
adoration. Too much need for "atta boys". Too much who’s up and who’s
down? Too much score keeping and not enough of God's glory in it. Why is there
is so much time spent buttressing my own ego? Forgive me Lord.”
“…those
who have never been driven to the point of seeing that their own achievements
are nothing, and God’s grace everything, and that real religion begins only on
the other side of the line where everything human has broken down; who have not
recognized the subtle desperate hold that self lays upon the soul, making it’s
very piety a barrier to Christ, and its morality an offense in God’s sight; who
have never stared into the eyes of moral defeat, nor know the joy which comes
when God floods a life and God’s power takes control, nor felt the consuming
passion of a Christ filled man to impart his joyous secret to all the world.
A Man In Christ James S. Stewart
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