Rewriting Life Scripts

Fr. Dale Matson

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2, NASB).

“Life Scripts” is a concept from Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis. A life script is a life plan developed by a child based partly on feedback from the child’s parents. The script is usually completed by the time the child is about seven years old. The script then becomes a template that is unconsciously imposed on and distorts the reality in which he is immersed.

For example, if the child is repeatedly told by his parents that he is a loser and will never amount to anything, it can become an identity that would find ways to steal defeat from the jaws of victory. He could later be the person who would enter a job interview and in so many ways, tell the interviewers not to hire him. He really knew the outcome because he helped make it happen.

Unlike the schizophrenic who struggles to establish an identity, these people establish a negative identity. They are the reverse of the Peter Principle because they allow a negative self-concept to defeat their natural giftedness. This scenario is actually more common than the Peter Principle. They do not become who they could be because frankly, they feel they don’t deserve success. It would not fit the unconscious template. They are like the famous Marx Brothers line, “I would not belong to any country club that would have me as a member.”

Again, they are like the tailor joke. Because the tailor didn’t want to fit the suit, he convinced the customer to contort himself to fit the suit. When the customer left the store, wearing his new suit, people on the street commented sadly that he looked so crippled but…..his suit fit well.

I have a good friend who as a child overheard his father say to his mother, “I wish the bastard had never been born. He will never amount to anything.” How’s that for part of a life script? He is only happy now as an actor in plays and lost a year of work to depression. Theater only provides vicarious scripts, not real ones.

So many life scripts are self-destructive. So many scripts short circuit careers and destroy opportunities. So many scripts destroy relationships. How many children have internalized the fears, anxieties or limited expectations of their parents? How many scripts are simply deaths by installment scripts?

If people could only understand that God Himself died to free them from these scripts. If they could only understand the love He has for them and the grace He wants to bestow upon them. If they only knew themselves like they are known by Him. If those who see themselves forever stuck in the trajectory of a descending rut could only understand that they are free to change. They are free to live a new life through Christ Jesus.

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”(Philippians 4:13, NASB) Amen.

Meditations Of A Plumber Priest II

 Fr. Dale Matson

In this, my second book of meditations, I have added several photographs taken in the central Sierra Nevada Mountains. In my twentieth year in Fresno CA, when the air is clear, I can see much of the central Sierra Nevada Mountains. The mountains offer year round recreation, personal restoration and I am there once a week.

There is no way to describe how my spirit is elevated each time I drive east into the mountains to begin a new adventure with friends, family or in the company of my Airedales Susie and Duke who change from pets to companions enjoying the winter snow.

I also spent four of the best days of my life with my sons as we backpacked a portion of the John Muir Trail together. Hearing them talking together as men around a campfire as I fell asleep in my tent was as beautiful a sound as any waterfall or river.

This mountain therapy is where I fellowship with God too, for it was He who made these things and me also.  It can at times be as intimate an occasion for me as when I offer the Great Thanksgiving in the Holy Eucharist.

I have included two selections, “Wilderness” and “My Testimony” from my previous book on meditations. May this mountain and wilderness theme set the tone for your meditations also. How important are the mountains for me? My next book will be titled "My Favorite Hikes In The Central Sierras."

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.  Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.  The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.  ~John Muir

Meditations Of A Plumber Priest II  is now available through Amazon Books or Barnes and Noble Books.

May God richly bless you,

Fr. Dale E. Matson

Corrective Feedback As Consultation

Fr. Dale Matson

I recently offered some corrective feedback to a brother. One test of whether my feedback is authentic and not me just being a critical parent is how much it pains me to say it. If there is eagerness, then it is probably not necessary to say it. If it is not spoken in love, it probably should not be said either.

There is an additional event that will follow corrective feedback I’ve offered to others as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow. A brother will offer me feedback and that happened twice yesterday. My friend of over fifty years called to point out some things I could improve on with some Kindle Singles I had recently published. “Yes Phil, spell check does not catch the word break when I intended brake”. “Yes Phil I shouldn’t use a brand name that may be obsolete in five years which renders my example void.” Etc. Etc. Etc. He had lots of good things to say but…did I remember those things? Not so much.

Another brother of twenty years; a former colleague and I finally managed to get together after quite some time. I was quite annoyed with him since he seemed to be continually putting me off. Can’t friends find the time for one another? He told me in our two hour conversation that I had said some hurtful things to him. “You can push people Dale. Others feel that way about you too.” Ah yes, the sickening sense in the stomach signaling the truth of what he was saying. How often have I misused the gift of exhortation? “You’ve done a lot of things but we get tired of hearing about it.” Oops I guess he’s right again. I’m sorry Peter for hurting you. Please help me by telling me at the time so things don’t fester under the surface.

We all have blind spots and in the Johari Window there are things that others see in us that we are unaware of. That is why the Psalmist says, “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from secret faults.” (Psalm 19:12, KJV). The Holy Spirit does convict us from time to time also.

Many years ago I was given a job evaluation at a place where I worked at an entry level position. I walked in expecting to receive an employee of the year nomination. Instead the supervisors told me that no one wanted to work with me. I was considered by my coworkers to be a self-righteous S.O.B. I think one of my supervisors; John B. actually smiled as he delivered the bad news. I hope I have changed over the years partly in response to this. I hope being a priest doesn’t feed into that tendency and make it less visible to me.

The point of this is to say that our spouses, siblings and children, if we are fortunate enough to be blessed with them are the first in line as our consultants. After that, it is our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I was once told as I smoked a cigarette outside church, “You know Dale, Christ loves you exactly where you are at but he loves you enough not to let you remain there.” After much prayer, my will to quit emerged and about two years later, January 10^th 1983, I quit smoking.

Keep those consultations coming brothers and sisters. I think at age 66 there is still room for a tad more improvement. Amen.     

Atrocity in Norway

Fr. Dale Matson

"In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Eph. 4:26).

In an article in the New York Times today by David Jolly, Anders Behring Breivik was identified as the suspect in the bombing and shooting related deaths of over ninety people. The New York Times also quoted the Norwegian police as referring to him as a right-wing fundamentalist Christian.

I am shocked and saddened by this cowardly and heinous act and condemn it. My deepest sympathies go out to those families who were directly affected and to the nation of Norway. This act has diminished all of us who inhabit this planet.

These are also not the actions of a psychotic individual because of the premeditation and planning that were required. A radicalized individual is not insane in the traditional sense. These are the actions of an individual that has allowed the root of bitterness to capture his heart. “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).

I am also saddened that anyone would consider a radicalized murderer to be a Christian. This was not a Christian act nor was it the act of a Christian. No person who had the Holy Spirit dwelling inside could commit such a barbarous act against innocent individuals.

This is an individual who let bitterness take hold and fill his heart with hate. His imaginations became plans and his plans led to the death of scores of young people. Christians are commanded to love others and to have compassion on others not harm them.

When an individual is filled with such hate the unthinkable becomes a reasonable course of action. What is reasonable is not necessarily rational. That is a kind of non-psychotic insanity. That is what motivated Timothy McVeigh too.

As Christians, we are also commanded by Christ not to be afraid. Paul states, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. “ (2^nd Timothy 1:7).  I believe fear is the fertile soil for the root of bitterness and the fruit of this root of bitterness is a heart darkened by hate.

This was not the act of a fundamentalist Christian. It was the act of a radicalized man filled with fear, motivated by hate and empowered by Satan the murderer.

As our Lord told us, “By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles?” (Matt. 7:16). And what are the fruits whereby we may know a Christian? “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Gal. 5:22-23a).

Lord, watch over the nation of Norway and especially comfort the affected families. Amen

The Journal Again

Fr. Dale Matson

Although a major issue for those of us who are officially retired is the wise use of time, I believe the wise use of time is just as important for those who are still employed. Whether we like it or not we all need a supervisor and I am not talking about a spouse, although spouses can be excellent consultants.

Life, like committee meetings can be divided up into topics for discussion and topics for action. Much of my life is spent replacing consumables like a box of Kleenex, filling the dogs’ food dishes, mowing the lawn (I’m contracted with the women of the house till I am 70), or gassing up the SUV. It seems like our weekly trip to Costco is every other day but the food is good and cheap and that is our meal out every week. More and more my replacements have a lifetime warranty (my lifetime anyway) like the new shingles on our roof.

What keeps me moving along singing a song? I am accountable to the journal that begins each day following my devotional. What did I do the previous day that is worth recording beyond replacing the consumables in my life? Yes, yes I record my dreams but even my dreams seem to lack the pizazz they once had. Dreams must be partially powered by hormones?

I tend to focus on the general categories of the activities of daily living (ADL). Did you contact a friend or relative? Did you exercise aerobically or with weights? Did you spend time in prayers? Did you write another chapter in your book? Increasingly, my actions are directed at fulfilling little good works. Did you write that “Thank you” or the “Way to go!” email? They are replacements of consumables too. They are reciprocating good will. Did you call someone to see how they are doing?

I had a longtime friend say to me on the phone the other day, “You’ve set a lot of goals and attained them. What is next for you?” I’d like to continue to extend a hand up to others. My gift is exhortation. While direct service delivery provides ego food (fast food indeed!), indirect service delivery is more effective. One advantage to being an ordinary person is that lots of folks can identify with my struggles and yes, the successes also.

The good works often go unobserved but are in response to a reminder from the Counselor who often comes alongside others through us. He is the master of the little kindnesses. He is the one Who looks after others through us.

We all have been assigned the good works of the Kingdom. So much of our work goes on unobserved and oft times unappreciated. That is why we keep a personal accounting of ourselves; not to be self-righteous but to hold ourselves accountable for the “talents” God has given each of us. A journal is a marvelous tool for this purpose. Amen             

 

Jake’s Pond

Fr. Dale Matson

One of the reasons God created ponds was to have a place for boys to explore and that’s just what Tom Hardy and I did on hot summer days over several years. A pond contains more genuine adventure than Atari and Xbox combined. A pond is zoology 101. Today, ponds are thought of as ecosystems but we saw Jake’s pond as a place for adventures.

Jake’s pond was in the back forty of his property away from his house on Tipsico Lake Road and west of Tipsico Lake.  Jake arrived shortly after God built Tipsico Lake where Tom’s family lived and my family had a summer cabin. Jake spun stories of fish too big to be measured by a yard stick and the “old” days when he had to lead his horses out to the middle of Tipsico Lake just to get them a drink.

Jake liked Tom and me and we had a special dispensation from him to explore his pond whenever we wanted. This included harvesting all the elderberries we could carry to be processed as jam at home. Poachers tried to sneak in late at night to get the Bull Frogs. Jake had special shot gun shells with rock salt instead of lead pellets waiting for them.

In the spring the red wing black birds would begin nesting in the cattails of the pond and it would mean the pollywogs were soon to follow. We would wear our bathing suits and Converse All Stars to walk through the muck of the pond to collect them in mason jars. Yes, we put several holes in the lid using a finishing nail and a hammer. All critters need air! Ponds have a certain smell to them that literally shouts to your senses, “There’s lots of stuff here.”  An occasional Blue Heron would watch from a comfortable distance, as we looked for newts and salamanders. I don’t remember seeing any big fish in the pond and think that in the winter; the pond may have frozen too deep for larger fish.

We would also catch Painted turtles with the requisite leeches attached to them. We avoided the snappers and the musk turtles. We were always on the lookout for a Blanding’s turtle which was a rare find. Even when the turtles dove to the bottom of the pond to avoid us and buried themselves in the mud, the telltale bubbles would betray their location.  We used table salt to rid ourselves of the leeches that stuck to us when we got home. There were also leopard frogs along the shore area above the pond that migrated there from the pond to finish their life cycle on land. We would capture garter snakes with big lumps in the middle that were once frogs. There were also blue racers around but harder to catch than garters. What we called “Water Scooters” would skim across the surface of the pond ahead of us as we walked.

And what did we do with our treasures? Like “Bring Em Back Alive“ Frank Buck, we took them back to Tipsico Lake and released them in the rocks along the shore of Tom’s house. We thought we were creating an aquatic menagerie but fresh tracks suggested that nightly visits by Raccoons were culling our transplants.

We had a special mission for our captured turtles. We would set them free in Tipsico Lake but not before painting our initials T.H. or D.M. on the back so all of those along the lakeshore would know that the great hunters were engaged in the primary work of boys; exploration, adventure and subduing wildlife. School was an unwelcome seasonal interruption in our real vocation. In the fall, we would harvest some of the cattails, soak them in kerosene and use them for torches.

The pond is still there but Jake’s house is gone. In its place are big fancy houses. I hope those families have children who explore Jake’s pond too.

If you paste the following location in Google earth or Google Maps, you will see Jake’s pond.

42 43 2.9 n 83 41 12.97 w.     

     

Robert

Fr. Dale Matson

"Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see you a stranger, and invite you in, or naked, and clothe you? When did we see you sick, or in prison, and come to you? aThe King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, b to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of mine, even the least of them, you did it to me.' (Matt. 25:37-40) 

 Our Cathedral campus is spacious, unfenced, and kind of like a landscaped mall with several buildings including a school.  It is located in an area of Fresno California surrounded by aging apartments. Because it is a large corner lot by an intersection, many folks cut through the campus as a shortcut to somewhere in the neighborhood.  These folks also shop in our second hand store and come on Wednesdays for our food pantry.  Some stop in to our Parish offices to ask for rent money or for Pastoral counseling. We also constructed a gymnasium for the neighborhood children for recreation. This discourages, to some extent the strong pull into the gang lifestyle. Because it is a transitional neighborhood, there are various ethnic gangs competing for turf and we are a part of that real estate.

Last Wednesday I was in my cassock and surplice on the way to conduct Evening Prayer in the chapel when an older man (actually he and I a probably about the same age) approached me and asked if I had seen a shopping cart. I answered that I hadn’t. He had hidden a cart in some shrubbery earlier in hopes that it would be available for our food distribution and it was no longer there. After conducting services I was walking to my car when I realized I had left one of my (20 or so pair) of reading glasses in the chapel. As I walked out after retrieving them I came across the man again. He was pushing another cart with food in it. I was led to offer to pray for him also and he was initially reluctant but acquiesced and said, “let’s sit down on the wall”. I introduced myself and he said his name was Robert (not his real name) and he lived on the streets. I asked what he would like to pray for and he said that it didn’t matter, that when he was in the Army he had dog tags that indicated that he was an atheist.  I told him my Army dog tags indicated “no preference”. So I guess at that time we were in a similar situation. As I prayed for him, I asked the Lord to bring Robert a sense of peace, hope and a sense of belongingness.

Robert is a man my age that is down to life’s basics of food, clothing and shelter. There are lots of Robert’s and Rita’s that cross our campus every day. The Gospel we offer rarely gets past the creature comfort level but this is Kingdom work and it is often done one person at a time. That one person is Christ every time. The mission work begins in our homes, in our church and our parish neighborhood.   (This was included in a book of meditations published previously but until now not included on the Soundings Blog)