Fr. Dale Matson
When I was 11 years old, my mother
took me to the hospital to have my tonsils removed. I was an anxious child to
begin with but I was very apprehensive as the time drew near for my surgery. My
mom waved goodbye, I went into a preparation room where I put on a gown. I sat on
a gurney and waited. The doctor had already performed a tonsillectomy and came
into the room with his surgical gown was covered in blood. “I guess you are
next.” He took me by the hand and led me into the operating room. I was very
afraid at this point. The surgical team put me on the operating table and told
me to lie down. They then all held me down and put an ether mask over my face.
I tried to avoid the fumes but gradually was overcome. Being forced to become
unconscious is like dying. When I awakened my mother was by my side. We went to
the car and I remember throwing up in the parking lot. I had a very sore throat
and was not interested in the ice cream when I got home.
A week later my family was at our
summer cottage on a lake 40 miles from town. I began throwing up blood and
clots which sometimes happens a week after surgery. I was really scared now. My
mother said, “You’ll stop bleeding”. I said, “Yes, when there is nothing left.”
My dad put me in the car and drove me to Beaumont Hospital with me in the back
seat laying down with a wastebasket in which to throw up. I believe the fact
that I fell asleep saved me from dying of blood loss since I stopped bleeding
by the time we got to the hospital. It was a very long summer with me having
flashbacks and asking questions about what heaven is like.
We didn’t have
a name for what I was suffering from 63 years ago but today it is called Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder or PSTD for short. What I can say is that terrified
little boy still lives inside my head and helped set the agenda for the next 63
years. His loud protests have often drowned out the adult. The adult is the
Holy Spirit. He drowned out the voice of the counselor, the Holy Spirit. The
boy’s voice has conjured up excuses for not pursuing dreams, not seeking
adventure, not traveling and not participating. He has said, “I’m not
interested in doing that or going there.” The truth is he was afraid to do that
or to go there. He has lied to others for 63 years. He has led a dishonest, fearful
and anxious life. I have been led by a spirit of fear more than the Holy Spirit.
Yes, much of my life has been short circuited and led as an imposter.
This is the
season of Lent and this is my public confession to my brothers and sisters
because many of you are imprisoned by the same spirt of fear. But some of you
would rightly say to me, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of
power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7). I know the verses but
have not inwardly digested them.
“PTSD is
diagnosed after a person experiences symptoms for at least one month following
a traumatic event. However symptoms may not appear until several months or even
years later. The disorder is characterized by three main types of symptoms:
Re-experiencing the trauma through intrusive distressing
recollections of the event, flashbacks, and nightmares.
Emotional numbness and avoidance of places, people, and
activities that are reminders of the trauma.
Increased arousal such as difficulty sleeping and
concentrating, feeling jumpy, and being easily irritated and angered.
Diagnosis criteria that apply to adults, adolescents, and
children older than six include those below. Read more details here.
Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or
sexual violation:
directly experiencing the traumatic events
witnessing, in person, the traumatic events
learning that the traumatic events occurred to a close
family member or close friend; cases of actual or threatened death must have
been violent or accidental
experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive
details of the traumatic events (Examples are first responders collecting human
remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). Note:
This does not apply to exposure through electronic media, television, movies,
or pictures, unless exposure is work-related.
The presence of one or more of the following:
spontaneous or cued recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive
distressing memories of the traumatic events (Note: In children repetitive play
may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic events are expressed.)
recurrent distressing dreams in which the content or affect
(i.e. feeling) of the dream is related to the events (Note: In children there
may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.)
flashbacks or other dissociative reactions in which the
individual feels or acts as if the traumatic events are recurring (Note: In
children trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.)
intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to
internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic
events
physiological reactions to reminders of the traumatic events
Screen yourself or a family member for PTSD.
Persistent avoidance of distressing memories, thoughts, or
feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic events or of external
reminders (i.e., people, places, conversations, activities, objects,
situations)
Two or more of the following:
inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic
events (not due to head injury, alcohol, or drugs)
persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations
about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted,”
"The world is completely dangerous").
persistent, distorted blame of self or others about the
cause or consequences of the traumatic events
persistent fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame
markedly diminished interest or participation in significant
activities
feelings of detachment or estrangement from others
persistent inability to experience positive emotions
Two or more of the following marked changes in arousal and
reactivity:
irritable or aggressive behavior
reckless or self-destructive behavior
hypervigilance
exaggerated startle response
problems with concentration
difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep
I know that Satan
would like me to believe that my life was lived as an imposter and that my motives
for doing or not doing things were the product of a damaged fearful and anxious
little boy. Here is how I would respond to that. No matter what my motives were
for my actions, God intended them for good. (Gen. 15:20b) I was not acting in God’s
perfect will but in his permissive will.
Recently this
chronic anxiety led to a hospitalization for High Blood Pressure. Sharon took
me to the emergency room with a Systolic blood pressure of 238. This could have
led to a stroke or heart attack at any moment.
After a week in the hospital and treatment with four blood
pressure medications, I was released. Two days later we called an ambulance
because I had had a blood systolic blood pressure of 200 even with the 4
different medications. As it turned out, I was having an anxiety attack and my
own fears drove my blood pressure that high even with the medications in me.
The experienced paramedics realized what was happening and when I had calmed
down, my blood pressure was within in normal limits again. This is how powerful
a negative force anxiety can be in both a chronic and an acute sense. God used
an Acute problem to reveal a chronic problem.
*[“What Would Jesus Say To Someone Struggling With PTSD?”
Let’s consider four things that Jesus might say to someone
struggling with PTSD.
-1-
“Your trauma doesn’t
make Me uncomfortable. You aren’t too damaged for Me to relate to.”
Key Takeaway:
God’s people have always suffered trauma.
Starting with the life of Jesus, we read the unfolding story
of the early Christian Church. We see Jesus being betrayed, tortured, and
crucified. His apostles were imprisoned, beaten and executed. And the followers
who lived still had to bear witness to the persecution that befell their
friends and families. Following Christ was not an easy way of life.
Trauma is not new to the world and
is definitely not new to Jesus. He’s seen it all before, either through his own
traumatic experiences during his earthly life or through the pain He has felt
in the lives His people for centuries.
So there is no one better equipped to take on the burden of
trauma than Jesus.
-2-
“Your wound wasn’t
for nothing. There is purpose in your pain.”
Key Takeaway:
God never wastes a wound.
Trauma will change you. Period. But the change doesn’t have
to be negative. Though a traumatic experience is more often perceived as a
catalyst to a downward spiral, it’s important to realize that trauma has just
as much power to instead propel a person into an incredibly positive life
transformation.
Lord, we know that the things we
experience on this earth are the worst things we will ever experience – that we
really only have to bear 80 or 90 years of this kind of struggle. And if that
is the worst we have to endure, then we are thankful. Because we know that one
day we will be with you in Heaven where there will be no trauma or suffering.
So God, we embrace this hard time and we lean into it. Use it, God, to
transform us into someone who is more like Jesus.
-3-
“The scars stay so
they can tell a story.”
Key Takeaway:
There’s no going back to your “pre-trauma” self.
The change that trauma makes in your life isn’t temporary.
It isn’t a small cut that will scab over and then quickly disappear. Rather,
your soul wound will leave a scar.
The scar left by trauma is supposed
to change you. It’s the natural response to an unnatural experience like
trauma. Perhaps it’s stating the obvious, but to be unchanged by an unnatural
experience just isn’t natural.
John 20:24-29 tells us the story of one of the reappearances
of Jesus after He had died and come back to life. Keep in mind, this was not
long after He had suffered through the unspeakable trauma of His crucifixion.
Notice that Jesus’ scars had not healed and disappeared. They
remained. Even after He had conquered the grave, the scars of His trauma
remained on his body. Not only that, but it was these scars that led Thomas to
ultimately believe.
-4-
“Depend on your
doctors, but abide in Me.”
Key Takeaway:
Faith and medicine, science and miracles – they work as left
and right hands.
“All you need is to have faith and you’ll be healed!” Have
you ever had well-meaning Christians tell you this in the midst of your
struggles? It’s a sentiment with good intentions, but it’s overly simplified.
It can feel like they might as well say, “Just go step off the edge of that
cliff. All you need is to have faith and you’ll fly!” Of course, it’s true that
faith plays a major role in the healing process. In Mark 5:34, Jesus says that
“your faith has made you whole,” and James 5:15 states that “the prayer of
faith will save the sick.”] * Excerpted from
https://rebootalliance.com/faithandtrauma/what-would-jesus-say-ptsd
So that is my confession to you today brothers and sisters. “Therefore,
confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be
healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James
5:16,ESV). I ask for your prayers.
