Holy Matrimony - The Kiss of Peace

Bishop Eric Menees

Dear Friends, I hope and pray that this Bishop’s Note finds you healthy and well.  As we gradually work through the pastoral rites in the ACNA 2019 BCP we continue with the Rite of Holy Matrimony. This last week we briefly examined the nuptial blessing. Today we discuss the kiss of peace and the Eucharist.  This tends to be that moment in the service that the bride dreams of for so much of her life and the groom worries that he’s going to mess up. In Ecclesiastes it’s said, “there is nothing new under the sun,” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) and that’s true with the understanding of the Kiss of Peace during the sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

THE PEACE   The Officiant may say to the People          The Peace of the Lord be always with you. People And with your spirit. The newly married couple may then exchange the Kiss of Peace, after which greetings may be exchanged throughout the Congregation.

Today, many people who didn’t grow up in the church see the kiss during this sacrament as something romantic, but that’s not how it began. In the early church, one frequent practice was called the kiss of peace. Originally, this kiss wasn’t something done romantically, it was done as a way of expressing reconciliation and peace between two people. Paul asks that the members of churches greet each other with a kiss of peace in Romans, 1 & 2 Corinthians, 1 Thessalonians, and 1 Peter. Back then though, people had the same misunderstandings as today. One record mentions a Christian wife whose husband was upset that she was giving others the kiss of peace during the Eucharist. The Eucharist was the main place for this kiss of peace because of what it expressed. Before receiving the Eucharist, everyone needed not only repentance of their sins but reconciliation with their brothers and sisters in Christ. When the peace was brought back into the Eucharist in the 19th and 20th centuries, it changed from being a kiss to another sign like a handshake. So rather than being something romantic in origin, this kiss is closer to passing the peace on a Sunday. Being present during Holy Matrimony the kiss has somewhat different connotations. Rather than being only preparatory for the Eucharist, it shows that marriage needs to be entered into with that same sense of reconciliation. It’s also a reminder that marriages won’t be easy and there will be times the couple disagree or get upset with each other, but they need to recognize those moments and both seek reconciliation and demonstrate the willingness to forgive. Now for some weddings the service ends there, but for many others the service continues:

When Communion is not to follow, the wedding party leaves the church. A hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played. When there is Communion, the liturgy continues with the Offertory, at which the newly married couple, or members of their family, may present the offerings of bread and wine.

When I prepare couples for Holy Matrimony and put the service together, I strongly encourage them to include the Eucharist. The Eucharist is that sacrament where we receive the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ and receive the benefits of the crucifixion and resurrection. To put it simply, the Eucharist is the sacrament that gives us the grace and strength to lead Christian lives. It’s important for the couple to start off their marriage with this grace and it serves as a reminder that they’ll need this grace continually in their married life. Putting the Eucharist in a service of Holy Matrimony also serves to more closely identify the union of husband and bride with the union of Christ and his Church, which we see exemplified in the Eucharist.  I pray you all have a blessed week.