Holy Matrimony - The Nuptial Blessing

Bishop Eric Menees

Dear Friends, I hope and pray that this Bishop’s Note finds you healthy and well.  As we gradually work through the pastoral rites in the ACNA 2019 BCP we continue with the Rite of Holy Matrimony. This last week we briefly examined the prayers for the husband and wife. Today we discuss the marriage blessing or nuptial blessing. What happens here is interesting. It is my practice to have the couple kneel, I remove my stole, the sign of my priesthood – my yoke with Christ – and I tie their hands with my stole stating, “I bind your hands with my stole, the symbol of my yoke with Christ. From this moment on your marriage is inextricably bound in the church and the church in your marriage.”  This is a practice that was taught to me by my mentor priest, William Thompson, and a practice that I pass on to young priests.  This act is not specifically mentioned in the Book of Common Prayer, however, the following blessing is…

THE BLESSING OF THE MARRIAGE The Husband and Wife kneel, and the Officiant says Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make the way of the Cross to be the way of life. We thank you, also, for consecrating the union of man and woman in his Name. By the power of your Holy Spirit, pour out the abundance of your blessing upon this man and this woman. Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their death. In your mercy, bring them to your heavenly banquet where your saints feast for ever at the great marriage supper of the Lamb; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. The Husband and Wife still kneeling, the Bishop or Priest adds this nuptial blessing. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace; that you may faithfully live together in this life, and in the age to come have life everlasting. Amen.

This blessing is interesting because this and the blessing of the rings are the only parts of the service that require the ministrations of a priest. In the same way that a priest is the minister of the Eucharist and a bishop is the minister of Confirmation, the husband and wife are the ministers of the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. If that’s the case, why should the couple come to the church? A large part of it is this blessing. We as human beings are fallen and incapable of so much by ourselves. If a man and woman decide to get married, the odds are it won’t be successful if it’s just them by themselves putting the effort in. In the presentation and the witnesses earlier in the service we see the community of friends and family come around the couple to support them in this new union. In the exchange of vows, God joins together this man and this woman and gives them the grace they need in their new life together. This blessing in a sense is the priest calling on God in thanks, to not only set apart the new couple but to prepare them to receive that grace from God to strengthen their marriage, to cooperate with it rather than struggle against it. This blessing reminds me of the episcopal blessing I and every other bishop give at the end of the Eucharist. It’s not trying to give an extra helping of grace in addition to what’s just been received, it’s preparing us to continue to receive grace and to cooperate with it. It’s not just that the Eucharist is over and I can go on with my life, it’s that this service is over and I need to be thankful for what I’ve received and I need to live into that. This nuptial blessing is a reminder of not only the grace we receive in Holy Matrimony, but the importance of living into it.  I pray that this week you will be able to discern God’s grace and presence in your marriages and in your lives. One way to turn to God more and more this week is to join others in our diocese online for Morning and Evening Prayer. If you go to https://www.dioceseofsanjoaquin.net/daily-office.htmland submit the form you’ll be given an invitation to join them at 7am and 6:30pm. Morning and Evening Prayer is a wonderful way of regularly praying throughout your day, and this is a great way to do that with others in our diocese to support each other in our prayer lives. Have a very blessed Lord’s Day.