Bishop’s Note – The Declaration of Consent

Bishop Eric Menees

Greetings to you my brothers and sisters of the Diocese of San Joaquin. I pray that you all had a very blessed Trinity Sunday, even if it meant our worshiping via a virtual platform. Last week we continued on with our examination of the 2019 BCP Rite of Holy Matrimony looking at the charge from the celebrant to the couple, requiring them to confess, and thus stop the service, if they know any reason why they cannot be married in accordance with God’s Word. This week we examine what immediately follows the charge…the Declaration of Consent.

The Officiant says to the Man N., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together out of reverence for Christ in the covenant of Holy Matrimony? Will you love her, honor her, comfort and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live? The Man answers I will. The Officiant says to the Woman N., will you have this man to be your husband; to live together out of reverence for Christ in the covenant of Holy Matrimony? Will you honor him, love him, comfort and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live? The Woman answers I will. The Officiant then addresses the Congregation, saying Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold this man and this woman in their marriage? People We will.

Our marriage service has its roots in the first century and before. This portion, known as the Declaration of Consent, dates back to the betrothal ceremony where the families would bring the couple together, sometimes for the first time, and the couple would promise to be faithful during the betrothal period while they prepared, spiritually, emotionally and financially, for marriage. Note that these are promises before the Lord, the betrothed, their families, and the community.  With the 1662 BCP the two services were merged into one and the betrothal was marked by the publishing of the Bans of Marriage which I addressed a few weeks back.             One of the first things to notice is an addition made into the 2019 BCP, when the officiant asks each of them if they will “live together out of reverence for Christ in the covenant of Holy Matrimony.” Until 1979, the couple was asked to “live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony.” The 1979 BCP removed God from this section by substituting “to live together in the covenant of marriage.” Not only did the 1979 BCP remove a reference to the covenant being God’s, they removed a reference to marriage being holy. This ties into what I shared in previous weeks about how marriage has come to be seen by many, not as an institution of God but as something man-made that can be changed by society. The 2019 BCP aligns with the earlier traditions and puts God back into center of marriage with the clear understanding that the relationship of husband and wife reflects the relationship of Christ and His Church. The marriage relationship is a covenantal relationship that St. Augustine described as a triangle with God at the pinnacle and the husband and wife at either corner. In order for the couple to come closer to one another they need to come closer to God. The language of the Declaration of Consent is beautiful and upholds the values so often forgotten in modern society. Rather than thinking in terms of me and mine a Christian Marriage is dedicated to seeking the good of one’s spouse prior to their own.  The values of honoring, loving, and comforting the other under all circumstances are a vital foundation to Christian Marriage.  These values turned to actions reflect Christ’s love and cannot be maintained without the help of Christ Himself and the community that surrounds them.  It is for this reason that the community gathered is asked for their public promise before God to support the couple in their marriage. I pray you all every blessing this week.